Now, I’m not one to claim perfection or that there’s one way to live and I’ve figured it all out so my way is the best way. But I hate balance. Balance to me is the antithesis of happiness because it feels like an over simplified math equation for happiness. I don’t want to – nay, I don’t think I could – live my life in an outlook calendar box of ‘working hours’. True, there are certainly days where the thought of being able to have a job where shutting down at 5 and not giving it another thought until 9 the next morning is appealing. But those thoughts are fleeting and give way rather quickly to the realization that this wouldn’t be me. And I’d end up going crazy – as well as driving those around me crazy.

I like the blending. I like being flexible about how my day is structured. That I have a wee little mobile device in my purse that lets me keep an eye on projects and emails while still taking some time to step out or relax. Yes, that smartphone that others might consider a ball and chain to their jobs…well, I think it’s a bit liberating to not be (a) thinking about what’s piling up in my inbox and (b) have to go back to my desk and see forty emails all piled up for review. If I can quickly give a thumbs up, thumbs down, go here, it’s over there, here’s what you need, etc etc kind of response in the moment, that helps me manage my day better. It’s my own kind of fluid putty like balance that changes every minute and every day. But to me, that’s living.

Now if I could just that wee little self-reflective voice in my head to agree with me…

But here we are with a fresh coat of paint on Debanter’s template, thus proving that I am motivated greatly by new, pretty things. This won’t be anything new to those who know me and my shopping…”habit”.

How do I want to be represented online? Who knows me for me? Will this impact my perceptions…long term career goals…how I view myself?

I can’t possibly remember what thoughts or questions I had running through my mind every time I made the time to blog on a regular basis four years ago. Not a clue. But somehow I did it and I liked it and I think I could do that again, no?

Perhaps it will help to ease me back into the swing of things if I continue this stream of garbled self-reflection for a few more days.

Oh, it takes new content and regular updates to achieve this. Right…

Soooo, here we are and I’m at a two and it’s merely my competitive nature that’s compelling me to write this.

Must. find. new. blog. purpose. Where did you go..?

A big goal of mine in the next six months is to really get back to my old habits of ultra time organization in order to have more of the unrestrained free time and less of the guilt. My scribbled lists need to be organized into notes and I owe it to myself to be honest about timelines and what matters.

Lamenting about how there isn’t enough hours of the day feels hollow and unnecessary now. There are plenty of hours – it’s how you use them. I speak like I know what I’m talking about, but really I just have to say it outloud (and type it a few times) to hopefully get the message personally.

We’re launching new things tomorrow. Lots of hard work, finally to be revealed.

I’m bouncing off the walls and it’s probably fair to assume I will not be getting much sleep tonight.

It’s very likely that I’m not an easy person to shop for. Nor am I laid back enough that I would turn to Adam and ever say…

“Let’s just skip it this year.”

I love this holiday. I know so many people who loathe this holiday. But here are the things I don’t like on Valentine’s Day.

1. Restaurants – crowded. Totally un-fun.
2. Chocolates – predictable, predictable…
3. Roses – so unbelievably expensive and stupid.

This leaves him with the simple task of figuring out what to do without playing into the top three stereotypes of the day. Other clichés like champagne, cheesy chick flicks and lots of mushy “I love youuu…” exchanges are (and were) welcomed.

It was a great day. Hardly any computer time, blackberry on silent and stowed away. Next year will mark the 10th year that Adam has been my valentine…

He’s got a lot of planning to do in the next 12 months to top this one.

Image by rudolf_schuba via Flickr

I’ve been going to the Starbucks in our building for months now. Months and months of London Fogs and grande dark roasts. Up until today, there has been absolutely no acknowledgement from the five or so baristas that are usually on duty when I’m there. I certainly don’t expect anyone to roll out the red carpet, but you would think by the time I’ve ordered the same drink every day for three months in a row…I would have some sort of (at the very least) unspoken rapport.

Nope. Nothing.

Vacant stares, the rare, bland “hi there…”. No recognition – even when I try to offer a chipper “remember me?” hello.

I enjoy becoming a regular. I like that the places I frequent start to notice that I’m there all the time.  I know it’s weird, probably very self centered, but it’s true. I just do. Erratic vows to never go back there again would never come through (it’s right there) but were passionately voiced from time to time.

So tonight, when the barista offered me a free cupcake because she noticed I’m a regular…this icy heart melted.

It’s not about where you work, how big of a chain, or small of a mom-and-pop shop you are. Plenty of independent coffee shops are impersonal – and I’ve been in my fair share of big name locations that are as friendly and welcoming as if I was actually invited into someone’s homes.

It’s about who you hire, how you treat them, and how they connect with your customers. It wasn’t about the cupcake – though it sweetened the deal – it was that for a second I wasn’t just #120938 behind the counter, I was a person. I am a person. And like all people, I like to think I matter.

Have you given your customers a cupcake today?

I work long hours, but I can’t say that the entire time spent is 100% efficient. Sure – there are times when I find myself up at 2am plugging away at something. But maybe that’s because I hit a wall at 1pm and had to take a break from accomplishing all on my to-do list. Or perhaps there was a last minute meeting that came up. Crisis that needs to be averted? Mass communication that can’t wait? Efficiency land mines get in the way all the time, and it’s part of my job (and a part I happen to love, much as it can be frustrating in certain moments) that I actually love.

I somehow can’t imagine pushing paper around all day, then coming home to the same routine every night, only to be followed by a bedtime that comes around like clockwork. It’s such a rush to be on a deadline, even when that deadline is totally self imposed. If I learned anything from University, it’s that my tendency to procrastinate when I’m not challenged can be put to good use if the conditions are just hectic/exciting enough. And they are. So, if you catch me hanging around my computer at 2am,  it’s actually just part of my “stream of typing with brief bursts offline” work routine. Somehow it helps to keep me going far better than the monotony of 9-5 ever would.

2. Now I can’t trust you.

3. I don’t want to visit you on another site. I’m on twitter. Here. Twitter.

4. Form emails = bad form – you are no different.

5. I just unfollowed you.