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To whom it may concern (yeeeeeeah, you know who you are)

Email?

There’s a certain protocol here folks for what should or should not be passed on to a friend or loved one electronically. A few examples:

Subject: thought i’d say hiya!
“hey! haven’t heard from you in a while…all’s well here in pittsburgh, well you know except for last week when our little jimmy was arrested for indecent exposure. kids these days! dana’s hemorrhoids are doing swell though - only has to use the doughnut about half the time now! “

Subject: Every calorie counts…
“Honey, I’ve been thinking…you’re looking awfully chubbly these days. Maybe we should have salads for dinner? Eskimo kisses, Todd”

Subject: 1…2…3…get ready
“because we’re having a b-A-b-Y, pookie bear! SURPRISE! Could you pick up paper towels on the way home? Man…I puked EVERYWHERE this morning.” 

Yeah. Telephones still exist for a reason.

But…how about breaking up?

A few things to consider…

1. How long you’ve known each other: shouldn’t be any more than two weeks. Number of dates and amount of daily communication could increase/decrease this guideline, though…use carefully.
2. What your primary contact method is: if you’re evennot sure he/she has a computer, you have no excuse for typing up a ’so sorry, Charlie’ note…
3. Whether you were friends first/want to be friends later: seriously. There’s no turning back once you hit the send key.

So, okay…there might be a few things you could point out to justify spending twenty minutes drafting a witty, vague subject line (and ultimately going with none at all)  right after googling “break up email + example”. But seriously…let’s all take a minute and think really hard about this. <pause>

EMAIL!?!!?

I take all that analysis and thoughtfulness back. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you even think for a split second “is this really something I should send over email?” then DON’T DO IT.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw:

“You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer want to see her. Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation Because, here’s what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy.”

Or girl (let’s not leave any cowards out).

And that, is all I have to say on that matter. Hrmph.

[Note: this is not “writing”…this is venting. heaps o’ difference.] 

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 29th, 2007 at 12:33 am and is filed under Observations, Spineless Cowards. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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4 Responses to “To whom it may concern (yeeeeeeah, you know who you are)”

  1. Jenny Says:
    November 29th, 2007 at 7:22 am

    Mahahahaha this is so fantastic. A Carrie Bradshaw quote and “Eskimo kisses” are the best way to wake up in the morning.

  2. Bobby Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 3:04 pm

    Now you should extrapolate and let me know the ettiquette for Facebook… after about 10 days, I had to be honest and sent an “I’m not in the right place,” msg away.

    In my defense though, the content was just an (intended) precursor to a face-to-face conversation.

  3. Rachel Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 9:37 pm

    Intended? Did the face-to-face conversation happen? Because if it didn’t, I think you answered your own question…electronic break-ups leave little room for future friendship and tend to sting about a million times more.

    Distance was a factor too, tho - yes?

  4. Bobby Says:
    December 4th, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    No, that relationship ended a few months ago. This one was barely over a week old, but things didn’t feel right.

    And yes, the face-to-face happened, the msg was simply to open the conversation. The last I’d heard from her was, “I’m going to jump in a shower, I’ll call you tonight,” so I sent the msg knowing I wouldn’t get her on the phone. She didn’t call, though, I went to see her the next morning. And actually things went incredibly, amicably well.

    Just saying, the Facebook giudelines could help a lot of people.

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