Security, security, security. Who doesn’t have a rant about customs/security/shampoo/$150 perfume (or some combination there of) these days? Well, I came across a new one today, but (not to ruin the ending) this one went better than most.

We’re heading back to L.A. after spending a couple nights in Arizona for my cousin, Arin’s, Bat Mizvah. I have a Canadian drivers license, which I’ve previously used at least three times in the last four months as my piece of identification when I get to security. Haven’t had a problem yet, so I wasn’t exactly prepared to sweat it. Well, I shoulda been. “Uh oh,” he says, “You don’t want to use that one if you don’t have to.” Fighting the ‘How dare you – I’m an American citizen, for goodness sake’ bubbling up inside me, I smiled mumbed something about my citizenship and proceeded to rummage around in my purse for my passport. Nope, at home. So after ‘SSSS’ was scribbled all over my boarding pass, I moved on over to the ‘Super Special Security Sensations’ line (because obviously it wouldn’t stand for anything else…).

Every belonging was scrutinized and picked through more, and I was put in a line for an extra patdown. I’ve been down this route. I’m not happy. My arms are crossed, my jaw is set, and it’s possible I might actually explode.

Then the security official walks over, smiles and says, “Do you want to try our new scanning machine or go through the usual inspection?” I blink. I stare. The ‘there’s another option which doesn’t involve touching’ part isn’t seeping into my brain so easily.

“It’s really fun – I promise.” She grins.

Aw shucks. Dammit, now I can’t be surly or grumpy. She had to go and be nice. Bloody hell…

I smiled back. I dealt with the machine. Then I walked over to my bags and waited for them to finish up there – before wishing everyone a fantastic day.

So, alright – if Arizona’s going to crack down on their security, at least they were friendly. That goes a long, long way. I’m still baffled at the logic, however. What if I was a Canadian citizen with a visa to the U.S. and I got a Cali drivers license? Then it’s fine? Wouldn’t everything be a’okay because if I were a Canadian I’d have gone through customs at the boarder already? And really…if you need me to provide a passport to fly anywhere, just let me know. Make it mandatory, then I won’t go into crankypants mode.

But anyway…my love for Sky Harbor Airport really returned when we sat down and the laptops came out. Free Wi-Fi. FREE freakin’ Wi-Fi. I don’t think I’ve been in one other stinkin’ airport in the last 18 months that hd Wi-Fi that was complimentary.

Booyahka.