Cease and Desist
August 14th, 2006 RachelDear Mugatu-esque Fashion Leaders:
We need to chat.
You see, I’ve got a little bit of a problem with some of your fashion directions as of late. Don’t get me wrong, some of the things you’re pulling out of your hat (would that still be a Castro Hat?) have been great. I’m digging the big belts and I’m glad that headbands are back now that my hair is far more controllable than it was the first time around.
But then there’s things like…skinny pants.
Your humor must be off given to your lack of caloric intake, because this is simply a cruel joke. Even if I wanted to spend every waking hour working out, is the above look really worth it? Come on now…when you say skinny jeans, what you’re really saying is "tapered".
Eeew.
I’ll give you some leeway, since some of the items I was previously adamantly set against have, well…grown on me. You brought back those black just below the knee leggings. Alrighty. I could have done without them, but I’m now understanding that under certain circumstances (such as feeling like wearing that short jean skirt, but not really in the mood for showing a bunch of leg) they can be fun, even (dare I say) flattering? But now you’re kind of taking this (very clearly a trend) a tad too far. Colors, skulls, hearts, etc., should not make up the fabric of these leggings. Not unless you’re between the ages of 6 and 16 during the years 1990-1994.
But on to more pressing matters.
Observe exhibit A:
Yes, that’s right. Stirrup pants. I’ve positioned the brown heels I just bought in the photo so that in case you are one of the few many who despise the idea, you’ll have something more pleasant to look at which should ease the gag reflex. There was a time and place for stirrup pants. The eighties. If you were a mom in the eighties, you even get some leeway to continue wearing them briefly into the nineties. This is not like when bell bottoms were revitalized as flared jeans. That was taking a bad idea and making it better. This is taking a bad idea and not learning from your mistakes.
Which brings me to Exhibit B:
Right up on top, for all to see. Scrunchies. Not just any scrunchies but large slightly shiny polka dot scrunchies. Are you trying to exude confidence with this choice? We love the scrunchie so much we’re going to make them POLKA DOTTED…so you CAN’T miss ‘em - it’s a MUST have!!
I’m not buying.
I mean really, are you taking advantage of innocent dimwitted young girls who weren’t born yet to realize these are both horrible mistakes that are better left behind fifteen years ago? Did you wander onto a few university campuses looking for inspiration at the exact time they were all having neon infused eighties nights?
Please stop. You’re hurting my eyes. More wide belts and bohemian flare. Less leggings and scrunchies.
